the phenomenon

21 March 2010

The phenomenon of emotions is hard to define. We may feel them, observe them, experience them - and yet there remains something mysterious about them. Even the experts can't agree! 'Researchers continue to argue over precisely which emotions can be considered primary - the blue, red, and yellow of feeling from which all blends come - or even if there are such primary emotions at all' (Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, p.331.) Personally I don't want to stay arguing about definitions of emotions - I want to find a more practical understanding, a framework which integrates this mysterious experience of emotion, and that supports me to live a more full, satisfying and aware life.
Part of the mystery of emotions is that our experience of them is so personal, so individual. For example, you and I might be placed in an identical situation: however, I experience one sort of emotional response, while you might experience something completely different. Clearly this is related to our personal histories, our backgrounds and past experiences. Or, let's suppose that we both did have the same emotional response - but how can we be sure that what I call happiness (or sadness, or fear, etc) is the same thing as you experience in your own individual way? Or what about the intensity of feeling? Is my 100% happiness (or fear, or whatever) the same emotion as you experience when you are just 75% happy (or fearful, or whatever!) So we see that emotions are utterly personal. And sometimes the words and labels we use for them just get in the way.
Accepting this reality, let's set aside attempts to describe and define emotions (at least for now.) They are too personal. They belong - whatever their intensity - solely to their owner, the person experiencing them. (Who is entitled to name them by whatever name best suits them at the time.) Only that person really knows what they are feeling. Our job is simply to acknowledge the reality of the emotion and to respect the integrity of the person, the owner.
For example, it is not respectful to say, 'Oh, I know just how you feel!' Or to say, 'Your reaction is much too extreme for such a small event.' Or, 'You should be happy in this situation, not sad.' Or to interrupt the flow of someone's feelings by saying: 'Let me tell you about how I felt when the same thing happened to me None of these responses respects the person who 'owns' the emotional experience! (This respect is one of the core demands of CCI.) Despite being individual and personal, emotions seem to be part of a bigger phenomenon, they contribute to the phenomenon of life itself. Holistically, there seems to be an underlying principle to all life - it seeks to go on living, it seeks to grow, it seeks to develop and to unfold itself.

the reality

Recent scientific advances have provided validation for the CCI emphasis on healthy handling of emotions. Emotional realities are powerful and make a difference in everyday life. Daniel Goleman, in The New Leaders, states the obvious when he writes, 'when people feel good, they also work at their best' (p.17). He urges his readers to 'generate the emotional resonance that lets people flourish' (preface, page xii.) This leadership style is 'new' because it accepts the importance of personal emotions. CCI heartily agrees with this. And this approach is not just for 'new leaders' – it is for any of us who parent children in a family, chair a meeting, host a dinner party, work in an office or other setting, coach or play a team sport. When people's emotional lives are acknowledged and valued, they flourish.
So emotions are real and have a powerful impact on everyday realities on our feelings, our minds, our bodies. They need to be accepted and expressed in a healthy way for the positive contribution they can bring to our lives. CCI offers a respectful format for doing this.